What's Eating Mario?
by Penutsonfire
Summary: Seriously I don't know? Can someone help me?


Mario liked to eat himself, it was just what he did, OK? don't judge him. Princess peach walked in on him doing the dirty deed.

"mario what are you doing to yoourself, and more importantly, can I join?" said the princess with a hint of curiosity and garlic in her breath

"No, I taste too good to be eaten by swine like you!" said Mario

"Mario, don't be selfish, let your sister join in on the feast! And while your at it, let me in too!" said Mario's dad as he burst through the room with a big belly, full from consuming mario and peach's mother.

"Eek, get off of me! I am an indepentdent plumber nad I need my space to consume mysef, to make myself whole again." said Mario, trying to worm his way out of a tight situation

"It's no use Mario, we have you cornered. Now everyone can have a piece of you plumber boy." said Mario's dad, dragging him out into the street.

Both his dad and his sister strapped him up in the town square, and held him down with ropes.

"It's an all you can eat buffet, dig in!" said the princess, handing out forks and knives out to everyone in town.

One by one the toads sliced and diced mario's innards and consumed them like spaghetti. Some toads got greedy and tried to go in for seconds, even trying to steal other toad's meals. Even Mario's dad wasn't safe, as before he could eat, his dinner was gone!

"Somebody touch a my spaghet!" exclaimed Mario's dad "Thats it! I will take Mario for myself if you all are going to be so greedy.

"No dad, I saw him first! I want him!" said Peach, grabbing at Mario's near lifeless body.

"Mama mia, this is a gonna hurt in the morning!" groaned Mario.

Soon, the morbid game of tug of war got ugly, and mario's weak constitution lead to his body tearing into 2. Like rats, the toads piled over Mario's split body and gnaw his limbs to the bone.

"No! Look at what you've done! Now we won't be able to feast on all the tasty tendons and juicy ligaments!" said Mario's dad, reprimanding his bratty daughter.

"Hehee! Just try and catch me!" said Peach, who had tore of Mario's head and was running it to her room like some macabre game of football.

But Mario's dad wouldn't take this offence lying down, and chased down his daughter like a burly linebacker.

WHAM!

Mario's dad slammed his daughter to the ground. The impact of the blow shattered peach's back, among other bones in her body.

"Dad, I think I'm dying..." peach managed to choke out of her collapsed windpipe.

"Sucks for you, hahaha!" bellowed Mario's dad as he gnawed on Mario's ear as a reward for his epic save.

Soon, the feast was over, and Mario was nothing but a pile of bones. His delicious innards were but a distant memory in the minds of the town folk. But they still hungered for flesh.

Peach snuck past her own father, asleep while clutching Mario's skull in his arms. She could barely walk, on account of her entire skeleton being rearranged to some oblique and distaorted view of a human being. Nevertheless she made her way to the room of her other brother.

Creaking open the door, she attempted to coax out her prey.

"Luigi~ Where are you? Your sister needs some help that only you can fix~" peach said in a superficially sweet tone of voice.

But luigi was nowhere to be seen. Where had he gone?

Unbeknownst to his crippled sister, Luigi was hiding in the rafters, licking his own fingers. Luigi couldn't get enough of himself, how could her share with anyone else, just look at Mario.

Upon savouring his own flavour, Luigi got out his fork and knife and cut off juicy cuts from his own body. First the thigh, then the loins, and the creamy hamstrings after that. But Luigi made an awful mistake, as a small piece he cut from himself fell from the ceiling to the floor.

Peach, getting a small taste of blood, immediately followed the smell. Climbing the walls like some deranged acrobat, she hunted down Luigi. Luigi tried to escape, but his own self mutilation prohibited him from moving freely.

Luigi fell from the rafters and crashed with a thud to the floor, and soon his scent attracted more than just peach. Luigi's scent and flavour was much more potent and alluring than Mario's own. There was a reason Luigi was hiding after all.

Like clockwork, the residents of the mushroom kingdom scavenged on luigi's carcass like a flock of birds or perhaps ants until Luigi, like Mario, was nothing but a pile of picked bones.

Thus is the life of the hungry citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom.

THE END.


End file.
